How Can I Make Friends?

IMG_6177I have a new resolution: make new friends.

I’m sure my current and loyal friends are sick of my incessant phone calls, when I cling to that person as my redemption from solitude.  I want the conversation just to last a little longer, for that person to tell me just what I want to hear so that I don’t have to go on feeling like such a loser.

Of course, when my friends fail to deliver me out of my misery, I only feel more pathetic.

I traditionally have had trouble having casual friends.  The reason why is because people look at me and they know I’m going to call them.  They don’t have to call me at all because they can read me like a book.  I’ll call you.   And after a certain point I get sick of the insecurity and dissatisfaction of the flakes of the world.

A few nights ago I hung out with complete strangers.  No one knew each other.  Alcohol was involved.

It went pretty well.

But finding new strangers every day would be laborious. So how do I turn strangers into friends?

And this is where I have to make some changes.

Usually when I meet people, I enjoy the time I spend with them, but I’m also analyzing them to see if they’d make a good close friend.  And on the rare occasions when I think there’s potential, the other person usually ends up being a disappointment.  But I realized the other day, I am really lucky to have the close friends that I do have.  And all those friendships formed without me going out of my way.   So why not ask myself, “Is this person fun to be around?” instead of “Will s/he be a good friend to me?”

Writing this now, I am reminded of why I became this way in the first place.  I was so disappointed in people not shaping up that I weeded the bad ones out in the beginning.  But now that I do have a core group of wonderful friends, I can afford to take a risk on some newbies.

The problem is I have a flaw.  I am bad at accepting people the way they are.  I want them to be more the way that I want them to be.  And I also get emotionally invested in people very quickly.  So I’ll put a lot of hope in someone only to find that she’s a serial dater and then I agonize over how I have to lose another friend.

Let’s assume that tomorrow I’ve completely changed my ways and am ready to keep my guard somewhat up as well as brushing off people’s imperfections.  How do I ensure that my new casual friendship will not be a one-way street?  How do I ensure hang-outs without making all the plans myself every time?

I’m literally asking you.  Words of wisdom please!  They can be anonymous and invisible, I just am really curious how other people do it.



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2 responses to “How Can I Make Friends?

  1. Jen

    Hey! I can’t believe you bit the blog bullet before I did. Eventually I’m going to have to do this too…Anyways love your entries and I really identify with this one. I think you’re right that now that you have your close friends you can take some chances. But in answer to your final question, you can’t. You can’t guarantee that the friendship won’t be a one-way street or that you won’t be disappointed. What I’ve found is that in knowing a friend is a flake, I can accept it. I like them enough to make the plans and know it’s not personal that they rarely return the favor. We make plans for lunch later in the week, but I don’t count on it. And if it falls through. That’s just them. But in the end they’re worth having around for x y or z. And because it’s better than being lonely. Just my thoughts. Hope you’re well!

  2. Sarah

    It’s funny because I’ve thought a lot about this subject, too, pretty much my entire life, haha. I think I’m at the point now where I get to really choose who I am friends with and who is worthy of my time. We’re no longer in grade school where we’re forced to go to school with the same people from our community. We’re adults, life is short, we have less time, so we work on relationships that we know will last. At the same time, however, I have come to realize that we can’t expect the same type of relationship with every single friend. Everyone is different, but no matter what type of relationship we have (each person calls every week, 3 months, etc) the friend has to meet me halfway. And of course people come in and out of your life and that’s ok, too.

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