you can’t have your cake and eat it too

Gugsfinally did some travelling: Vitoria (Basque capital) and Bilbao.


Unfortunately, the Guggenheim was closed.  Somebody should have looked that up before hand.

Moving on…

I have friends with jobs/without jobs and then I have friends who have started grad school this year.

On the one hand, I feel like I am advancing more than my graduate students peers.  That doesn’t mean that I feel like I’m maturing more, but it does mean that I feel like unlike them, I am starting the next epic of my life.  I cannot remember a time in my life when I wasn’t in school.  And now, for the first time, I am living on my own, in a foreign country no less, making travel a priority, and living a non-student lifestyle.  I still have obligations to my classes–the three schools and private lessons–but for the most part when I am outside of the classroom I am not working.  As a student these times are less concrete and you are always negotiating your time into leisure and study/research.  In this sense I feel as though I have moved on, no longer serving an institution.*

On the other hand, I feel inerudite and uncultured in comparison to my peers achieving higher degrees.  I will probably die with a mere B.A.  How un-academic of me, how intellectually incurious I am to have gotten a job. How distasteful!  And I even chose an easy way to do it–I didn’t even stick it out in the breadlines–or shall I say intern-lines–I just applied and got a job!  And my skills?  My skills are the fact that I can only speak one language fluently and it’s English. What have I even done with my life??  When I think about my friends getting their PhDs I can only imagine what topics they and their grad school friends talk about: Nietzche, quarks, tort reform??  Could I even explain to anyone what those things are if I was asked?  (the answer is no).  And I wonder what it will be like to hear all about grad school adventures.  They’re reliving college, but college for grown-ups who are interested in something very specific.  What if I could go to college again with people who shared my precise interests?  But what exactly are those interests again?  Certainly nothing worth writing 100+ pages about.  I’m such a non-academic, run of the mill, average, going about my typical, employed life.  Very unoriginal and very normal.  I’m normal. gross.

*One can say that we are always serving some kind of institution but while I am in Spain I at least feel as though I am mitigating any effects the man may have on me.


1 Comment

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One response to “you can’t have your cake and eat it too

  1. Ilya

    Don’t worry, I learned more in my one year in Spain than I did in 3 years of college. And med school, as cool as it sounds, is just a lot of memorization and cramming, although it does has its high points as well (anatomy dissection, clinic, etc.)

    So enjoy your time in Spain, you will learn more about yourself than you ever will in grad school! I am jealous of you and I want to go back.

    P.S. Sorry about Sam the Ghanaian. You will find that Spanish guys have similar calling habits, haha (or so I hear).

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