getting better at being myself

I have never described myself as someone who conforms to what other people want me to be.  In fact, sometimes I have the tendency of being quite the contrarian.

Even so, lately I’ve been finding myself accepting who I am even more.

If you know me well you know that I’ve always had a problem with my nose.  Too big, a little crooked, and curved in my profile, especially when I smile. Pretty much not a nose that I would choose in a body parts factory.  But, so what?  Lots of people have better noses than me.  Who cares?  We’re all born with things we don’t like and mine happens to be in the smack-dab middle of my face, and protruding on top of it.  Not ideal, but it could be worse.  OR, even if I did have the WORST nose on the planet, why does that matter?

It seems so self-evident that my nose has NOTHING to do with my personality, and yet for so much of my life I’ve felt self-conscious of it. When I would meet new people, I would fear that all they would think about was the nose.  From what people tell me, they don’t.  It is my belief that overall people respond to the person inside and not the nose on top.  Of course appearance does matter to a certain extent.  And there are always things you can do to help your appearance like showering regularly and wearing flattering clothes, but I ain’t goin’ under the knife just to mitigate my C+ nose.  If I fixed my nose, what other sub-par body parts would follow?

I’ll tell you the order in which my plastic surgeries would occur:

  • nose
  • up the boobs to a full B
  • some minor lipo on my inner thighs
  • lipo on the obliques
  • beautify my knees like Nicole Kidman did

I mean, this is just ridiculous.  We don’t look at each other and pronounce which part should get some work done (and if you do, shame on you!) so why doesn’t our society expect us to treat ourselves the same way?  All plastic surgery does is make more people feel the pressure of their imperfect bodies.  I refuse to take an action that only serves to confirm someone else’s self-consciousness.

We are born the way we are born and logically speaking we shouldn’t denote any importance to looks whatsoever considering that we have absolutely no control over them and they are in no way a reflection of ourselves or of our accomplishments.

Now, so far I’ve only talked about accepting the physical self, but the exterior and the interior go hand in hand.  Internal self-confidence allows me to look past my nose (and literally, too!) and the knowledge that people don’t stop trying to get to know me when they get to my nose encourages me to show them the self they want to meet.  After all, where’s the ego in someone liking you if it’s not the full you?

This isn’t a free-pass for assholes, here.  If you’ve got some uglies on the inside try to polish yourself up a little, for pete’s sake.  We’ve all got changing to do and it helps to remember that people really are much less concerned with what you look like and much more interested in who you are.

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