I had a moment this morning where I repumped myself about being in Spain. I’ve only got 3 months left and I really want to enjoy every last minute. I haven’t had enough of that attitude lately.
Overall I prefer my own culture, which I think is normal, but my dissatisfaction here isn’t because of a distaste for the culture. There are a lot of great, fun things that I like and that I’ll miss when I leave.
I think 6 months (so far) is just a long time to be in a foreign country and it weighs on you. Te cuesta, as they say here.
Also, I realized today that my concept of “normal” has gone completely out the window. I don’t know what’s normal here, what’s normal in the U.S., or what’s normal Ariela. I lack a cultural framework to guide my actions and expectations. That’s very disorienting. Am I correctly assessing the culture around me or not? And if I act accordingly am I somehow being less of myself? How do I do the “right” thing and when I return to the U.S. will I be equally lost?
Spain has been a great, invaluable experience and I want to make sure that I really appreciate the country, the people, and my decision to come here before I leave. I don’t want to leave having forgotten the whole reason I came here.
Maybe when I return to the U.S. I’ll gain some perspective on what it was that I felt when I was here because I don’t feel normal. I feel something unsettled, something undefined, and those feelings are all the more pointed with every day that goes by with me still unable to put my finger on what those feelings even are.
I won’t write for another 2 weeks because I am going to Morocco and Portugal for the Easter Holiday (Semana Santa). I can’t wait!