Humor me as I hash out my belated understanding of male sexuality

I’ve had some epiphanies as of late about male sexuality.

You know how they say guys think about sex once every minute (or something like that)?  What does that mean exactly?

It means they’re mind-blowingly creative!

These guys imagine themselves in so many different scenarios, and in detail.*  Imagining themselves in different sexual acts, with specific people, and also imagining those people naked.  When I asked my guy friend how you can imagine someone naked when you’ve never seen them naked he didn’t seem to understand.  You just do?  But everyone’s body is different.  I don’t get it.

Whatever. Maybe I’m the weirdo and all women do this, too.

But I’ve never talked about it with my friends, and I would think this would come up.

Knowing this about men makes a few things make sense.  If they have sexual thoughts this often, it makes sense that they would separate women (or men, if they’re homosexual) into fuckables and dateables. If you’re constantly thinking sexually, there would be no reason to think that there’s anything special about someone whom you would want to have sex with.

If a guy wants to get into your pants, you’re not necessarily special enough to take home to Ma.

Some bad signs for my heterosexual female readers:

  • The guy hasn’t told any of his friends about you.  If it’s been a while and it’s still on the DL, you’re on a fast train to nowheresville.
  • He’s on way too good of terms with a recent ex.
  • Or, conversely, his last girlfriend was several years ago.
  • He somehow pressures you to do commitment-type things, but doesn’t do them himself.


I’ve also been thinking a lot about strippers.  I have a problem with strippers. I don’t think I could be friends with a female one, and a male one would kind of weird me out, too.

There’s something I don’t like about someone who wants people to only view her sexually.**

At the same time, in light of my recent revelations, men will always see you sexually***, so effectually acknowledging that as a stripper does shouldn’t bother me. But it does.

Maybe it’s the idea that people pay for a sexual performance instead of putting themselves out there and getting one the old-fashioned way.

Maybe it’s my selfish and irrational desire for people to be only attracted to me, and if it can’t be me, then one of my friends.****

Maybe it’s the fact that strippers encourage men’s licentiousness while the rest of us women try to keep it under wraps, or reserve it for special occasions.

Or maybe it’s because I have some deep-seated belief that sexuality should be private, not public.

These are all strong hypotheses.

I will say, though, that most men (and women) do resist their animalistic tendencies, and even though they will always be aware of their sexual arousal levels, that is not the only thing they are tuned into.  They certainly don’t always act on their base instincts, and, furthermore, respond to more than just one thing in another person.


*I’d like to point out that I’m sure many women do this, too, but I don’t think they do it as often and I don’t think as many of them do it.  That’s fair, right?

**Or chooses to be paid to be viewed that way.

***Unless you’re ugly…but some guys are into that.

****Come to think of it, maybe I should be friends with strippers.

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