midnight rambler

I promised to report on my perspective of my time spent in Spain once I got home.

I think I’ve avoided doing this so far because I still can’t sum it up with just a paragraph.  Maybe I need at least a years’ worth of reflection first.

Here’s what I do know.  Living in the U.S. is just easier. Nothing in my life is actually any better, but from the minute I was home in Houston, life was just more effortless.  I really can’t explain this. I’m sure it’s a combination of no longer having a language barrier, being familiar with the people and city around me, not being a teacher, and some other variable x. There must be something else, but I can’t put my finger on it.

The past two months have been the most boring period of my life. I have had lots of fun hanging out with friends, but that’s only once or twice a week.  I’ve spent my days waking up at 1 or 2 PM, maybe applying to jobs I’ll never hear back from, working out, watching A LOT of TV, and working a total of 5 days, 4 hours, and 20 minutes.  Those last 20 were for a telephone survey I did that, believe it or not, paid me $40!

The greatest news by far is that this weekend is Tax-Free Weekend and I spent almost the whole day SHOPPING.  Oh how exhilarating.  The rest of the day was spent learning the ropes at my new job–but mum’s the word on that one. I’ve learned my lesson about discussing my job on my blog.  Here are the deets, though: it is related to film and visual art, it involves a lot of various responsibilities and commitments, and I am looking forward to starting.  I’ll post it on facebook when I start a week from Monday.

My shiftless lifestyle as of late has made me very confused about the meaning of life. I feel like I should be doing something more productive with my time, but what? So it makes me happy to be starting a job and be occupied 40 hours a week, but then, shouldn’t life be about more than that, too? I’m completely confused about how to optimally spend my time. I can understand why people say that having children brings meaning to your life–because you are living in part for someone else, instead of yourself. If you’re responsible for another human being, you’re at least helping to populate the Earth, and at the same time, that child needs someone to raise it, and you can feel good about that someone being you.

This new job has also awaken a beast inside of me.  I always thought it was ridiculous how much people can be paid.  And it really is ridiculous.  People shouldn’t need to be millionaires. But now that I’m doing the math of my salary (which is by no means large), I’m figuring out that with so much money I don’t need, I can pay for pilates classes, mid-tier clothes, lazer hair removal for my armpits, impromptu weekend trips (and extended vacations), and that extra cocktail on a Saturday night.  I don’t need ANY of this!  And yet, I don’t like the idea of not being able to afford it for whatever reason in the future. Essentially, making money makes you want more. I may need to learn my lesson and go see Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps.


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