Perhaps contradicting my latest post, I’ve been feeling very unfulfilled lately. Uninspired.
Being single has gotten old. It’s not fun anymore to flirt and feel “free.” I’m finding that no matter how much love I get from my friends, it’s not enough; I still feel lonely.
I’m not sure in which direction the causation flows (or if it even exists), but Houston is starting to get old as well.
Having moved so often in the past 6 years, I think I’ve come to see moves as ways out of such ruts. One of my fears is that I’ll get into another rut after my next move, and then what will I do? I can’t keep moving forever.
A friend of mind suggested I take the time to really develop hobbies and focus on myself. Isn’t that what I’ve been doing for years now?
She is right, though. Even though the new hobbies won’t make the loneliness go away, they will instill me with more pride and confidence. I’ve been focusing on increasing exercise for a few months now. It’s time to add something new in the mix. Maybe some continuing education or ballroom dance classes.
I would also like to live a more environmentally responsible lifestyle. I don’t know why I haven’t yet taken the initiative for any of these. Maybe it’s the fear of their costs (both $$ and that I’ll have to sacrifice one hobby for another). Sometimes it just takes me a long time to put the thought into action, as exercise took several years to fully carry out.
I’m considering going to a therapist. Not for everyday issues, but for deeper things that are so deep even I don’t address them. If I found the right therapist, it could be very fruitful.
In yoga today, I was reflecting on how my self-oriented lifestyle is proving unfulfilling.* Scientific studies show that people are happier when they do things for others. I’m not comfortable around little kids I don’t know and volunteering at the Food Bank or Habitat for Humanity is too indirect, so I thought about becoming a mentor for a high school. It would be nice to give a girl someone to talk to and just expose her to options she didn’t even know she had. Googling that now…
It’s really funny–I just realized that only 2 months ago I wrote about how fulfilled I was feeling. If I didn’t keep a blog I would never have realized how much of a 180 I’m feeling at the moment. More thoughts to come on the significance of my change in attitude…
*I recognize the double irony that yoga is supposed to be a self-oriented process and that you’re also not supposed to be doing much thinking! In all fairness to me, it was restorative yoga, so where else was my mind supposed to go when I was resting the entire time?